The Shitty Truth About...
Colonoscopy. I’m afraid that sometimes I have to tackle the shitty subjects too. Ok, no more shitty jokes (insert eye roll here) let’s get to the ‘bottom’ of this subject. :)
At some point or another - especially as we age, you or one of your loved ones might have to undergo a medical procedure call a Colonoscopy. The procedure is simple enough. A small flexible fibre optic instrument called an endoscope is inserted into your anus (ewww and ouch…I know) and sent off to scope your colon seeking out any abnormalities. This is a very simplistic and non-medical way to describe the procedure. As you might know already, I’m not a doctor, but I have in fact already undergone TWO colonoscopies and I’m about to have my third. Yay me!!! After my second colonoscopy I was diagnosed with Microscopic Ulcerative Colitis, which is essentially inflammation in the colon. Mine is not severe and doesn’t generally cause me too many problems, BUT with that diagnosis comes the benefit (not actually) of having to be checked out a little more often. The procedure itself isn’t actually all that bad (I think you would agree if you’ve had one) it’s the preparation for it that’s often a pain the the ass. Pun totally intended. For the procedure you’re given a sedative - so there’s no pain or discomfort at all, but to get that point…you need to completely clean out your bowels. So that’s where things get a little tricky.
Colonoscopy prep involves fasting to eliminate the the contents of your bowels. The fast generally starts the day before your procedure, but to ensure the bowel is squeaky clean you will be required to take (as prescribed by your doctor) a laxative and a bowel prep medication or ‘purgative’ which will stimulate your bowel to move out what the laxative has softened. This is all so your doctor can get the best possible look inside you. Fast day is isn’t necessarily a easy day, but to help make you the most comfortable you can possibly be (outside of not doing it) - I’ve come up with a few tips. I hope, should you or someone you know have to go through a colonoscopy you might be a little more comfortable because of me. ;)
Follow the fasting diet given to you by your doctor to the letter. This means no foods containing small seeds for a week before the prep and no whole grains or nuts three days before. The day before the fast - eat light. I had a light breakfast of a scrambled egg and then soup for lunch. For dinner I had salmon and rice. These foods are easily digestible for me which will make ‘purge day’ much easier. Don’t eat a big steak dinner…that would not be a good idea. Red meat is hard to digest.
Drink only clear fluids on fast day. I like to have a black coffee (no milk or dairy) in the morning and then start regularly drinking Gatorade (the electrolytes can help prevent lightheadedness), apple juice, lemonade and eating jello and popsicles. Sadly you can’t have any drinks that are coloured red or purple so that cuts out all the yummy berry flavours of Gatorade and Jell-O.
Prepare your bathroom with all the comforts you might need. If you have more than one bathroom - try to designate one for yourself for that day. Buy a nice soft three ply toilet paper because you’ll be using a lot of it. You might also consider Cottonelle moist wipes for cool and clean comfort. A bottle of Poo Pourri or VI Poo is a great idea to keep things smelling fresh. A small tin of diaper rash cream is a good idea to have around if you feel a bit sore. Because you might be sitting for awhile, make sure you have a charged phone, a book, a new podcast and maybe a couple of magazines on hand to pass the time. In other-words…distract yourself.
After you take the purgative, the action really begins. A warm bath or shower is a nice idea to help you stay comfortable.
The purgative is a medication mixed with a large volume of water. It doesn’t often have a pleasant taste. I describe the one I’ve had as tasting like salty lemonade. Gross, no actually vile is a more appropriate description of the taste. Try a glass straw to get it down and drink it very cold and slowly. If you try to chug, you will most certainly not get it down. Have a clear bubbly beverage like like Ginger Ale or Sprite on hand to drink immediately after sips of the solution. It helps it a little.
Meditate or simply take some time to breathe deeply and purposefully - this one is important to me and can definitely help get you through the day. Break up your meditation into manageable segments like ten or fifteen minutes at a time. This way you’re not away from the bathroom for too long.
I send my family out for dinner so that I don’t have to prep a meal and watch them eat it while I sit in a corner and eat yellow Jell-O. Why buys yellow Jell-O other than for colonoscopy prep anyway?
Wear comfortable clothing! You had to know I was going to touch on ‘colo fashion’ at some point, right? This is not the time to be fussing with zippers and buttons. Trust!
A colonoscopy might not be a pretty procedure to prep for, but properly done it leads to a successful - and hopefully clear and healthy scope. We’re getting to the age where conversations around uncomfortable subjects are important, which is why I chose to write about this and my personal experience with it.
