Dear Jess Allen,

I’m so sorry you had a bad experience with hockey in your youth. Guess what? I did too. Yep - the popular hockey player guys in high school didn’t want to date me. I didn’t get to wear their melton and leather jacket around the crowded school halls. I didn’t get to wait for them at the dressing room door for the victory kiss after they won like other girls did. Girls I envied. But you know what - I didn’t stay bitter about it. I moved on and just by chance (literally by chance) I happened to marry a hockey player. I distinctly remember telling my mother in law (who raised four hockey players) “there’s no way I’m going to any rink at 6 a.m. to watch my son (or daughter) play hockey.” She’s probably had a few good chuckles over those words. Because in fact I have had 6 a.m. mornings and 11 p.m. nights. You see Jess, now I’m part of one of “those families”. I am a hockey mom.

Both of my boys started playing hockey at little late to game (according to some). My oldest (E) was probably seven and youngest (M) five. E played house league for a few years and eventually gave it up. Turns out he wasn’t too keen on those early mornings. But after quitting in grade four, he’s taken it up again on an inter mural University team. See Jess…they even play hockey at Universities! And he’s having the time of his life. He’s not the best on the ice, but he’s not the worst…none of that is the point. He’s heads out every Saturday night with his giant bag and stick (on the bus) over to the University rink to have some fun, work off some stress, get a little workout and hang out with friends. Sometimes they even grab their sticks and play shinny (that’s slang for pick up hockey) on the plentiful ODR’s (outdoor rinks) in the frigid Ottawa winter. That’s right, he’s playing in the nations Capital - where if you can believe it…kids teams even play shinny on the Rideau Canal. To some people Jess…that’s pretty freakin’ cool AND awfully Canadian.

My younger son plays competitive hockey and has since he about eight. He’s on the ice about four times a week from September to March. If the team has worked hard and makes it to playoffs…even as late as April. He also plays with his high school team. Oh wow…there it is again - hockey offered in a place of learning. Crazy f’n schools eh? For the record he also happens to be a bright kid with an amazing group of kind and respectful friends (not a single bully amongst them) who you can often find on any given Saturday night (or Friday or Thursday) in my basement playing video games, ping pong and generally hanging out. Oh, and he also volunteers his time with a younger hockey team once a week. Why doesn’t he volunteer in another area you ask? Because hockey is what he loves. He doesn’t just play with the kids, he mentors them. He’s a solid example of what the boys and GIRLS on the team can become with dedication and hard work. It’s a win/win situation.

We’ve had many years with competitive hockey teams…not all of them were perfect. In fact some were downright shitty. But for the most part I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything else. Our fellow hockey parents have become our friends. Our friends come from numerous varied ethnicities and professions. Parent’s have been lawyers, oral surgeons, real estate agents, first responders and teachers. They’ve also been Bay Street executives, stay at home parents, sales people, golf course owners and Dragons. Sounds like some of those people might have a couple of degrees from a couple of universities - just like you! We’ve experienced both parent coaches and paid coaches and the pros and cons that come with both. We’ve given up our weekends and taken Fridays off work to go on tournaments and road trips to Ottawa, Montreal, Pittsburgh, Niagara Falls and all over Western New York. We’ve shared meals and laughs and frustrations and our home with these families. We are a support system through difficult times for each other. We have spent a lot of money on equipment, but when they’ve grown out it - we passed it down to younger friends and neighbours. We’ve spent a lot of money on fee’s - but so do other families who’s kids play different sports. Talk to a parent who’s child figure skates or swims competitively and ask how much they pay? He’s played on winning teams and he’s played on losing teams. And when I say losing Jess…I mean we won four games out of thirty six. It may have even been three. That’s thirty-three losses, and if that doesn’t make a kid want to quit - then there must be something to this game. Because it’s more than just about the game, it’s about the entire experience. The ride to the arena, the warm up and chats in the dressing room with team mates, the game (of course) the coaches talk after…and even the ride home. It’s all part of it.

You see Jess…there’s been numerous articles written by parents on why they let their children commit to hockey or any sport for that matter, I don’t need to go over ALL THE REASONS again here. In a nutshell, we do it because at the very end of the day, the season, the years, it was fun for the family. Does it need really need to be more than that?

This piece is written in response to comments made by Jess Allen on CTV’s The Social on November 13th, 2019.