Day 21 - Something I miss...

I missed an opportunity. 

My Mom has dementia. She now lives in a wonderful long term care home. She doesn't recognize me anymore, so when I visit (which isn't often) it's pretty much a one sided conversation. When I leave I'm angry. I'm angry that she doesn't know who I am and what I'm doing for her.  I'm angry that she's been robbed of the opportunity to see her grandson's grow into fine young men. I'm angry that she does't know that I've turned into something, a really great Mom. And  I'm really angry that I go and see her, even though she abandoned me when I was just twelve years old. She just walked out on her life, on me. But you know what I'm most angry about? That I missed the opportunity to tell her how her leaving fucked me up. Because now I'm stuck with it...and I can't get past it!

So if you want to tell somebody something...tell them - good or bad. Otherwise you might miss the opportunity, and that really sucks! 

I can't remember the last time she told me she loved me. I miss that too. 

xo.